Lord of the Cards/Transcript
Cast (In order of appearance): Rex, Weevil, Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Téa, Kemo, Mai, Pegasus, Yami Date: July 24, 2006 Running Time: 4:35 Transcript Instead of the regular intro, a Beavis and Butt-head-esque frame appears but with Rex and Weevil instead. The Beavis and Butthead intro music plays, and they are both doing their laughs. A title card appears saying: Yu-Gi-Oh!: Rex and Weevil in: Huh-huh, you said "Man-Eater" Bug! On the boat [[Joey Wheeler|'JOEY']]: Wow, an entire island all to ourselves! It's sorta like that book, Lord of the Flies. Only with a lot less subtext, and a lot more card games! [[Tristan Taylor|'TRISTAN']]: Wasn't that the movie with the evil ring and the hobbits? [[Téa Gardner|'TÉA']]: Why would any of those things be on this island, you idiot? A screen appears with Bakura and an arrow pointing to his evil ring, and an arrow pointing to Yugi labeling him as a hobbit They leave the boat for the island TRISTAN (thinking): I sure hope no one notices we're trespassing! GOON: Hey, you! TRISTAN (thinking): The irony! GOON: Quit drawing attention to yourself, you barely qualify as a sidekick. JOEY: Ahh-choo! [[Yugi Muto|'YUGI']]: You wouldn't have caught that cold if it hadn't been for Weevil. JOEY: Actually, I wouldn't have caught it if you hadn't been a naïve moron and handed him your most powerful cards! YUGI: No, it was definitely Weevil. He threw my grandfather's cards into the ocean, and I'll never be able to forgive him. TRISTAN: It's sort of like the time Joey threw away a piece of your Millennium Puzzle! JOEY: Yeah, except ya forgave me for that. Right Yug? YUGI: (with a very angry glimpse in his eyes) Sure Joey, sure. Flashback of Joey throwing away a piece of the Millennium Puzzle, while Ironside theme by Quincy Jones is played [[Kemo|'KEMO']]: Attention Duelists! If you can all stop staring at my hair for a moment, you'll see that Pegasus's castle is just behind me. Please follow the unnecessarily long staircase to meet your host. TÉA: My limey senses are tingling! (sees Bakura down in the forest) YUGI: What is it, Téa? TÉA: I thought I saw Bakura again! JOEY: Maybe we should go check. He is our friend, after all. YUGI: And let him cut into MY precious screentime? No way! Besides, it's not like he's a main character or anything. On top of the castle DUELIST 1: Hey, check out all the obligatory cameos. Weevil Underwood, Rex Raptor, Mako Tsunami... DUELIST 2: But where's the reigning champion, Seto Kaiba? DUELIST 1: Didn't you hear? He was barred from the tournament because his name wasn't stupid enough. [[Maximillion Pegasus|'PEGASUS']]: Welcome to the Duelist Kingdom. Let me assure you that this tournament is 100% genuine and is not in any way an elaborate ruse thrown together at the last minute so that I can get my hands on an Ancient Egyptian artifact. To advance to the finals, and the chance at three million dollars, you must each win ten star chips by betting them on card games. Remember kids, gambling is good for you! Field JOEY: Now that my cold is instantly cleared up, I can't wait to win this tournament and get the prize money! YUGI: So you can pay for the operation, right? JOEY: What operation? YUGI: The one your sister's getting. JOEY: What sister? TÉA: Hey, it's Weevil! YUGI: Weevil! I challenge you to a-- Weevil runs away JOEY: Wait a minute, he's running away! YUGI: It's almost as if he doesn't want to play a card game with me. WEEVIL: Actually, dumbass, I was just leading you into this vague trap or something. Heh-heh-heh. YUGI: Super Special Awesome Ultra Special Sexy Transformation Sequence GO! (Transforms into Yami) [[Yami Yugi|'YAMI']]: I'm back, baby! WEEVIL: Heh, two can play at that game, dillhole. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. YAMI: Sweet mother of Osiris, he's transforming too! But who, or what is he becoming? WEEVIL: I am Cornholio! I need T.P. for my bunghole! Heh-heh-heh. YAMI: It's time to duel, you strange silly person. WEEVIL: Are you threatening me? I summon my Generic Insect. Heh-heh. TÉA: Wow, look at all the phallic imagery. (Yami plays Horn of the Unicorn on his Feral Imp.) JOEY: What are you talking about, Téa? There ain't anything remotely suspect about this duel. YAMI: Now, quiver in fear, as my Knight's mighty lance penetrates your moist cocoon. TÉA: Huh. I guess you're right. Mai arrives TRISTAN: Hey look! Breasts have arrived! MAI: You guys are wasting your time. Yugi doesn't stand a chance! He's not nearly experienced enough. TÉA: Compared to friendship and compassion, experience is meaningless! MAI: Keep telling yourself that, hun. What are you, a virgin or something? TÉA: BITCH, I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT! JOEY: Could you guys stop talking about sex? I'm trying to ogle Mai's cleavage here. YAMI: I activate Deus Ex Machina! WEEVIL: Hey, heh-heh, no fair, heh-heh, you can't use Spell Cards during my turn! YAMI: Tell it to the writing staff. Summoned Skull! Destroy his cheap Mothra imitation! TRISTAN and JOEY: Yay! We were totally ineffectual! WEEVIL: I lost! Heh-heh... and stuff. Heh-heh. YAMI: Maybe next time, you'll think twice before forcing someone to part with their valuables. Now hand over your star chips and kiss my feet! WEEVIL: Damnit! Heh-heh... this card game sucks. Heh-heh-heh. YAMI: Settle down, buttmunch. End. The theme music from Ironside plays again Text appears on screen: episodes every week Stinger: [[Odion Ishtar|'ODION']] (as Samuel L. Jackson): That's it! I have had it with these motherf*cking snakes on this motherf*cking plane! 1x04